I know sometimes I can be very noisy, annoying, happy, hyperactive, hiao, cranky...
but what do you think about me when I close my door being alone in my room?
What am I actually thinking about myself?
I'm quiet, naive, pessimistic, hiding my true feeling, "innocent", retarded, inferior, private...
I feel nothing good about myself..
From inside, I have very bad tempered that could raise my crankiness from level 1 to level 7 in 1 second. It can be a very small bit of thing that bothering me a lot. My babe might be only person that know this very well~ I'm so sorry for my crankiness and complaining stuff incessantly. At the same time, thank you for being so tolerant all the time~ xoxo
For my appearance, I'm not pretty and I don't have good make up skills to lighten up myself.
I don't have a model looking body that has lowered my self-esteem. People do compare you with other people all the time. Make sure you get yourself in the best state all the time. I really couldn't stand the "eyesight" from skinny girls on the street, looking at my body from my head to my leg. This is so mean and I felt so offended!!! There's nothing wrong with people with a little fat aye? You're lucky that you're borne to be naturally skinny. Not everyone like you have the fortune to have perfect body shapes! If everyone looked the same then there won't be anything unique about a person anymore. Get a life! Tell you a true story about me, I cried for two days for being called 'big size' by an odious guy that I not even know him and I'm still kind of mind about this issue (I mean my body image) even now~ You might know bits of this if you read my blog about body image. Like how guys look at girls body, underweight girls telling me that they are on diet stuff.. I'm struggling with this feeling all the time. The feeling just won't fade no matter how hard I tried like losing a bit weight by having sleeping & eating disorder. Of course it was a small encouragement for me but what happen when get back to normal life and I gained back the weight? It's a bigger shame for myself.
Academic performance?? Can die! Stressing about my assignments and assessments all the time. I'm a good procrastinator~ I leave everything until the last minute and then die for it.
I'm a very disorganise person. I have all the papers on the table and they are more than enough to build a coffin. I have things on the floor, on my bed, on top of the storage boxes, basically everywhere~ I tried to sort them out but they will go back to their original position (before clearing up) eventually~ I give up! You can say that I lost of interest very quickly, in the other way, I am heartless to maintain a behaviour change~
Privacy is always my priority. My cranky level is 10 if you cross that line. But I will be ok if you be honest to me. I HATE LIAR!!! I feel like slapping people acting fake. The story has to be started from once upon a time.. Betrayer should die! That really hurt when you found out that your close friends/BFF betrayed you. I always believe that people will treat you back the way you treat people. If you accept people with open-heart, you care, you share, you be nice. Of course you will have good return. Things just don't go the way you think. The word I can think of to describe myself is naive. Innocent? No way! not even associated. Stupid is the 2nd word!
Why would I become a shopaholic? Having my closet bombarded with new clothes and loads of them remain unwear, new!! BNOH - Brand New on Hanger~
Study stressed? that's an excuse.. I can tell to be honest..
Too much money no where to spend? Hell NO!! That cause me financial crisis! Unless I married a very rich guy or knocked up by a rich man and required him to responsible for that by marrying me~ Duh~ Do I look like that kind of person?
okay, this is what I think about myself that how I turn into a shopaholic. shopping is actually a way that I use to indulge myself, make myself feel better, feel like at least I have something better than the others because I have loads of nice clothes? It's all about feeling.. Comparative? Competitive? Maybe not, I don't really compete with the others. How can I explain more about this? Let's say you are not good in study, you kind of looked down by the others, you feel so inferior, you couldn't mix well with your friends. You definitely will try to improve yourself in other way in order to cope in the society aye? Maybe in a sense of fashion, sports, hobbies, music, stage performance, design, just any career so that you could mix up in that herd? Things group in kinds. So does people do. If you want to survive or to be more outstanding in that herd, you have to be special, you need to sacrifice, you need to contribute, you have to SHINE. No pain no gain. If you think that you are dull in particular way, turn around and see what you do well and what you impressed about yourself, something that make you proud and shine~
Negative feelings don't always come to my mind but the concentration is ultimately high today~ That's all about devil Jasmine.
Bye!
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